Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize