i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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