you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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