our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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