By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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