Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
