Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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