Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
