so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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