When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
