Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just gargled with NyQuil
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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