What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
