Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
