I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
