Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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