I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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