If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
