It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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