READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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