So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
