We should be called the Road Head Warriors
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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