It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
