why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
