Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm always down for nudity.
there is puke in my bra ... again
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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