glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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