His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
3pm strippers are depressing
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
