Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think I just sharted jello shots
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize