i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
