dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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