I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We need a shit load of segways right now
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
