Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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