goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
