I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize