i love accidental penises.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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