Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
