I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i drank out of a bidet.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
