He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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