My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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