Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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