Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
