he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
