I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
