So drunk its hurt
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
