I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she told me i tasted like america
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize