if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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