Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
