the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
