If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
