11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it because I queefed?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
my poor anus
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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