If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
