I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
