so that wasnt chicken after all
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
