Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
