i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
