If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
