I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
