I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
