Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
