Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the room spins SO much faster in panama
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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