U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
