I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
