I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
