Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
