doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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