she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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