Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
