how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
