Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
