would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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