Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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