I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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