Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.

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(914): View more from New York

i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?

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(661): View more from California

I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success

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(636): View more from Missouri

what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.

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