just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
