my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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